In January of 2016, I made a resturaunt inside my house, with my housemate Crash!
To whom it may concern: You are quarterly invited (for Q1 at least) to join Us at the grand opening of the newest and fanciest Berkeley Rest-au-raunt : Chez Whez With a menu carefully selected by reading other restaurant menus and imagining what they might serve, this meal is sure to be a D-lite! Our menu includes : Fettuccini Alfred Surf and turf Truffle Mac and Cheetos Tea Leaf Salad Fusion Deconstructed Beverages: Mock Tails Short Island Ice T Lemonjello Half bottle of wine Wine blend The food will be skilllessly prepared by crAsh and Lady Red and served in the most inimitable and intimate of settings. So please respond, eh, still view play (are es vee pee?) and join us Lady Red and crAsh \--- --- --- crAsh and Lady Red have invented a fantastical rest-au-rant where nothing is as it seems, or as you expect. The restaurant is in our living room. We'll do two dinner services, an earlier one (6ish) and a later one (9ish), and y'all are welcome to hang out before and after to drink and laugh with us.
All of the food was parody variations on traditional resturaunt fare.
Fettuccini Alfred or Truffle Mac-n-Cheetos
- Either way you ordered this, this was Kraft Mac and Cheese and Cheetos mixed together. (Suprisingly Good!). If you ask for truffle, we put truffle olive oil on it, which makes it taste like dirt.
- I don't remember this one!!
Surf and Turf
- Surf and Turf was goldfish crackers mixed with gummy worms. Yum!
- Reheated Frozen Pizza served in a Margaria glass with a SALT RIM!
- We brought you a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich, and sat it in front of you. We opened it up, and started scraping apart the peanut-butter and jelly with a butter knife. We deconstructed the oppression of the migrant farm-workers that picked these crops that is inherent in the capitalist system, while we deconstructed the sandwich into a pile of jelly, a pile of peanut-butter, and a pile of dirty, damp bread.
- A fuzzy rainbow tail, in a glass. Not a real tail!
- just Lemon Jello. Not "limoncello"
Short Island Ice T
- A big dollup of liquor in a shotglass, with ice arranged around it in a T-shape.
1/2 Bottle of Wine
We brought out a full bottle of wine, uncorked it, and then chugged the first half of the bottle between us. The customer gets the other half!
- I don't remember this one!
- Sour Beer was simple - heinkin with a generous handful of Sourpatch Kids thrown in!
The king of them all, though, was the WINE BLEND
To make the wine blend, Crash and I brought out a pitcher and set it on the table. We first grabbed everyone's cups from the entire table. Beer, Liquor, Tea, Wine - Whatever! then we poured them all into the pitcher. One of us took a bottle of red wine, and the other a bottle of white, and we poured them at the same tiem into the pitcher. The pitcher had a lid that included a mixing agitator. We pumped it up and down together, to get the blend good and frothy, and then poured it out into everyone's cups at the table.
This breaks every rule of dinner